Ok... so remember that beautiful metaphor about how the omelet was my grading? Well... it went just like that. I went in, did my best, was ready for the flip, and got scrambled.
Alright, now that the suspense is out of the way, lets start from the beginning. So, I ate my omelet, and left for the airport. I only got lost once and eventually made my way there more or less without incident. As per usual, my flight was delayed and left me sitting in the airport for a while. It was not a big deal. On the plane, off the plane, into the red car, and at the University.
At the time I could not find anyone I knew, and the first training session had already started, so I began my wonderful weekend with a trip to one of my favourite places: the University of Guelph's Arboretum. The arboretum must be as large as the University itself, and if I have learned anything it is that when I grow up, I would love to have one...
Travelling in the Arboretum... Alexander Style
Lost in a Swamp
No Bugs in the Swamp
Haunted!!!
Eventually I made it out of the arboretum and found one of our crew. We went out for supper and on our return found another of our comrades. Almost complete we took that evening off like a certain calm before the storm. We sat on the patio and enjoyed some Cuban delicacies. It was a great night that would lead into a great weekend, mind you, we were all super nervous, so it was extra good that we relaxed.
The training started the next morning. We got there early to warm up, and when the training started we jumped right in. There were more people at the seminar than I have ever seen and we had to be extremely cautious. After all, when training with swords in close quarters it is a recipe for disaster. There were a number of Sensei there from Japan, and we were very privileged to have them pass their knowledge to us.
Since we were grading with the sword we spent most of our time preparing for that. We did take some time to go and practice with the staff though. I was very nervous for my tests in the beginning, but I am not sure why now that I look back. The more training the better I felt. After a the first day I was no longer concerned. I felt confident that I would pass, and on the off chance that I would fail, well... that didn't seem to concern me any longer.
We went to the annual supper and fundraiser auction where I was able to acquire a piece of art that I have had my eyes on since the first time I went to the Guelph Seminar in 2005. It was not the exact piece, but similar enough. We were also very lucky to have front row seats to a very special performance. Taylor Sensei's daughter plays the violin, and since people always hear about it they wanted to hear her. She came before the Sensei table (directly beside ours) and played. I have seen violinists play professionally, but I have never been within arms reach! It was amazing. I do not think that everyone in the crowd appreciated the magnitude of her performance in skill and quality of the music, but I definitely did. I congratulated her on a spellbinding performance then, but I will write it again. Congratulations and thank you, it will be a night to always remember.
After I had what I came for we bailed out of the auction and called 'er a night.
Another day of hard training, and my fears of failure vanished completely. I was fully absorbed in what I was trying to do, and in trying to do what the Sensei instructed. We all worked hard and by the end of the day we were starting to wear out. Blisters were popped, bruises were dark and swollen, and our kneepads had ground up the backs of our knees. When the day was over I think we were all grateful for a rest. We put down our weapons and then the crew from the Ka Muso Kai went to McDonald's for a traditional pre-grading feast. The myth is that eating McDonald's the night before a grading will help pass... however... eating McDonald's immediately before a tournament will result in disaster.
Bellies full of McDonald's we retired.
The grading was the following morning. I was in one of the last rounds of grading so I had a long time to wait. I warmed up. I memorized what techniques I had to do. And, I just sat around waiting. Eventually my time came. They brought everyone going for Sandan into the grading room and had us wait. A few minutes passed and they called us to the line.
When the judges called "hajime" (start) we all moved into action. I only remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember is that I felt like my performance was one of the best I have ever done. My training was paying off and when I walked out of that room I was an omelet ready to be flipped. From my perspective I was near perfect.
After that we had to do our other gradings with the staff, and in a jumble we did that.
Gradings done we waited for the results. It did not take long when the results appeared. I looked to the sheet for Sandan and noticed that my number was not posted. I did not pass. Actually, of the five of us, only two passed. At this point I expected to feel crushed and broken like I used to when my team was defeated in soccer. I did not feel it. I was waiting and waiting, but all I felt was calmness.
I did not pass... so what? I did my best. I did all I could. What I brought to the grading was not exactly what the judges were looking for, but in stepping before the judges I agreed to be judged. I agreed to have them watch me and to point out any flaw. I agreed that even though I could feel like my performance was perfect, that I lack perspective, and that a panel of judges is a whole lotta that.
Uncrushed, the world did not stop. On the contrary, it kept spinning. The results came in for the Jodo grading, which we all passed, and immediately my brain jumped to planning mode. Looks like I get a vacation in December, I thought. I can come back do my next Jodo grading and try again for Sandan! Sounds good.
That was the end of it.
I am still half expecting me to wake up and be crushed by my failure, but more and more I think that I have grown to a point where I can accept it as is. So... Instead of ruminating on my failure it is time for me to start planning...
What's next...
Didn't Pass