24 Hours...

Imperial Theatre (But like... cross out Jesse Cook and put in the "Carlton Showband"...)

Long time readers may remember that I went to a Jesse Cook concert at a place called the Imperial Theatre. This place was amazing... It was like I stepped into a movie, or the passed, or something. The Theatre was built around the turn of the century... uh... the last turn of the century... uh... 1900's. There. Anyways, it has been restored and it looks like it belongs back there. When I stepped into that theatre I felt like I was where I belonged.

Imperial Theatre Movie

We are leaving Saint John soon, and that made me think that perhaps my better half should also see this historic building. With that in mind we booked a pair of tickets. Oh! Tickets for what?

Hmm... I don't know...

In all my excitement to see the building again we were not picky about what we were going there to see. We had our tickets and that was all that mattered. Eventually we found out who we were going to see. It was the reunion tour for the Carlton Show Band. Who are the Carlton Show Band? Well, I really did not know.

We got a hint about the time we entered the theatre. It so happened that the demographic of the crowd was well, different than my better half and I. The crowd was filled with people who have had many a good seasons behind them. So who/what are/is the Carlton Show Band? They are a band that at one times competed with the Beatles in Canada. They have some interesting hits and some interesting music. At first I was a little concerned as to what we got ourselves into, but then the did their thing and all was well. It was an excellent performance.

I think the best parts were when one of the gentlemen was wandering around in a Three-Legged Suit, and when that same gentlemen opened fire on the crowd with a super soaker.

Three-Legged Man

It was a good concert. I think that everyone in the audience genuinely enjoyed themselves. I know we did.

Following the concert we headed back to Jerusalem and then headed home. We pulled in front of the house and noticed four sketchy guys across the street. They were standing there just hanging out and looking... sketchy. We grabbed our stuff and then headed inside. It was not said, but I think that my better half and I both knew that they were up to no good.

I woke up the next morning, got ready to go and headed to Jerusalem. The door was slightly ajar... Now, I am not shocked. You see, break-ins happen frequently in Saint John, and the issue is the price of windows. For example, if someone sees three dollars of change sitting between the seats and the doors are locked, they will break a window to grab the three dollars. This sounds ok until you realize that the price of replacing a side window can be north of one-hundred dollars.

With that in mind we usually leave Jerusalem unlocked and with nothing of value inside it. I got in, noticed that everything was strewn about but after a quick inventory everything seemed accounted for.

News Flash!!! Jerusalem broken into... Robbers take... nothing?

Yay. I chuckled in the moment and shifted the car into gear.

Work, home, relax. You know what is a good way to relax? Have a nice hot shower. Great! So off to the shower. The shower was hot, and well... relaxing. Great. Towel wrapped around my waist, then out of the shower, across the hall, hand on the door knob, and... and... click. Clickclickclick. Oh oh.

Yes indeed dear readers. When we went for the shower we locked the door to the bedroom with all of our keys inside. Gah. Pffft. No worries, we will just call the landlords and cook supper while they are coming over. No time wasted, all good. I got the number off the fridge and picked up the phone. No dial-tone. Oh yeah. The old landlord just disconnected the phones. So we had no phone... no keys... no clothes.

Great.

Well, I have a friend who lives across the street. Yeah, it is a few hundred metres, but it is just across the street... right? Somehow, I got elected to be the one to head out to try and find help while my better half waited inside.

Sandals on. Towel re-tightened around my waist. And bam! I was out into the world. Yep, walking across the street wearing nothing but a towel... yep... Oh, there goes a teenage girl... yep... I am so cool. I made it across the street. I snuck inside the front door to my friend's building and began to buzz his apartment.

Buzz.

Buzz.

Buzzzzzzz.

This was really not my day.

I saw someone coming up the stairs through the door. It was the old lady with the little dog who wipes his butt on the grass. Special. She opened the door and looked at me. "You look cute!" Said she as she passed outside. I slipped inside and leapt up the stairs.

I knocked on my friend's door and called his name. He let me in. He then asked if I had buzzed him half an hour ago. Nope. He has been getting some unwanted attention from some people evidently and thus did not let me in. Oh well, I was in now. I asked to use his phone.

I dialed the landlady and waited.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Crap.

Answering machine.

C'est la vie. I left a message and resolved to cooking supper in a towel. I was about to head back out into the world when my friend offered to half clothe me. He passed me a shirt that would fit and helped to make my walk a little more bearable.

Sometime in this process I had a brilliant idea. The bedroom window is open. I could just remove the screen and climb in. Sure my towel would go up around my head but only for a moment. It could be done. Wait. When we tried to remove the screen before we couldn't do it. Wait again! I could get my Swiss Army Knife from Jerusalem and use it to pry open the screen.

I was outside again walking to Jerusalem passed dog-lady. She commented at how I had gotten a shirt as I headed into the still unlocked Jerusalem. Heh. Nothing was stolen eh? Nothing? Screwdriver was there, Swiss Army Knife? Not so much. I took the screwdriver and begrudgingly headed back to the window.

Knowing that my message to the landlady might not get heard we tried to give another call. This time I knocked on the neighbour's door to see if they could help. Yep. Still in a towel. Yep. As soon as I entered I heard an excited chatter in Chinese. Evidently they don't get many white men knocking on their door in a towel. The girl there tried to call and left another message. She said she would help.

I headed over to the window and tried to pry off the screen. This leads to a somewhat important segway. I hope there is never a fire in my place, because I cannot get that damn screen off. My better half said that in a fire you would just break it, but honestly, breaking that kind of stuff is not that easy and running around all panicky would not make it easier.

I gave up.

Back inside wearing my borrowed shirt and towel I began to indulge in my lusty affair... with cooking. Have you ever tried cooking in just a towel? Let me tell you something important. NEVER COOK IN JUST A TOWEL!!! If you are wearing clothes and there is spatter from the steaks you are frying that is not a big deal. But if your towel, your last line of defence, is at constant risk of falling down whilst the steaks are a spatterin', that is a BIG DEAL. All I could imagine is me using both hands to flip a steak, leaving providence to suspend my towel. If providence failed with my hands tied? I would be in splatter range with a towel around my ankles. Ponder that.

This challenge is increased when your stove-top fan doesn't work and all of the windows have been closed to keep the cold front out. Your steaks cook mighty fine and the steak spice begins to blacken. Blacken with smoke. Smoke without a fan. Smoke up to the smoke detectors, which then begin to ALARM. At this moment it was convenient that I was wearing a towel. Over to the smoke detector, both hands on the towel, rriiiipppp, towel in the air billowing the smoke away from the detector and towards the open window.

At that moment, as I was wearing a borrowed shirt and waving my only south-side covering at the smoke detector, I prayed hard that our roommates did not come home.

They didn't.

Phew.

The alarm stopped and I was able to re-pant myself using my towel. We finished cooking and settled onto the couch to watch TV while we ate... in towels. The door rang and we were told by the neighbours that the landlord was on his way. Thank goodness. We ate our supper merrily and watched the television. We heard a key in the lock... landlords? Nope. Roommate.

She came down the stairs and looked at us. You could see it in her eyes... She said nothing, but you could clearly see it in her eyes... W...T... F...?

It was not long before the landlord came. He let us into the room and we gladly traded our towels for slacks. Now fully clothed we enjoyed our steaks and potatoes...

It was one hell of a day, but an exciting one at least. I am now locking Jerusalem again and just hoping that no one bashes in a window. We will see...

I think after all that happened, with the getting robbed, and the walking across the street almost-naked, and the everything we are now honourary Saint Johnners. Aww yea...

p.s. I now think I discovered one more thing that was stolen... my sunglasses... Ahahahahahahahahahaha... that totally makes up for the Swiss Army Knife. I bought those sunglasses like 10 years ago in Mexico. Thank goodness they were stolen, I could not justify replacing them until the met a timely end. It's about time...

p.p.s. After writing about this adventure I think that I should write an FML about this... I think I will...

p.p.p.s. I have since found my sunglasses hidden in the bottom of a bag... crap... oh well, I got a new Swiss Army Knife and it is awesome AF.